The year 2023
The date 3 Oct
An undisclosed location
Falling away
Reaching for you
Always reaching
You’re not there
Where did you go?
How do I find you?
The cry of the hawk
It summons me home
Without you
Death in spades
The darkness falls
Dying a thousand deaths
Reaching the abyss
It’s there
I’ve reached it
No longer hanging on
No one to come for me
No one to love
It’s me
The abyss
The end
I fear not
I want for nothing
But to see your face
Upon my return
Your loving brother
At his end
The year 2021
The date 14 Feb
A holding pattern
Climbing a mountain
A mess I’ve left
Not intentional
Ran out of time
Others will need to clean up
Not you
I took care
A key
A bank
Only for you
Travel
Desires
All that you’ve always wanted
My death
A surprise
Yet not so much for me
Prepared in some ways
Not in others
Life was good
Until it wasn’t
Love me always
As I’ve loved you
My death a blessing
Know it to be true
In those final moments
My mind was sharp
And my words true
Take them
Every corner of eternity echoes with your voice
I smile now, more than ever
My love
My deepest secrets
Safe with you
I can rest now
Seeing you
As I took my last breath
The year 2021
The date 6 Oct
I don’t remember where
A maze to navigate
No white light
Filled with colors
Blue, green, yellow, pink
Where do I start?
You would know
Is there an end?
So much noise
So much traffic
Yes, traffic
No one speaks
No one stops
No directions
I’ve asked
I’m stuck
Shouldn’t I know which way to go?
You would know
Tell me
Shout the answer
I’ll hear you, I promise
I’m waiting
Please tell me
Blue, green, yellow, pink
Confused
White light
I see it
I’ve got my bearings
I’m off
Maybe to find the wizard
Love Ya
The year 2024
The date 2 Nov
Wyoming
My current state
The end is near
My worries none
Always I wonder
What’s waiting for me?
Never one to believe
Do non-believers go anywhere?
Where will I go?
Who will I see?
What will I do?
What will it be like?
A shallow breath in
A shallow breath out
Someone is near
The holiest of figures taking shape
Giving voice to my wonderings
Tears gently falling
Lovely
She’s lovely
Yes, a woman
Surprising yet not
Slowly I pass
My breath is no more
Yet still my wonders persist
How is that?
Who am I to see such a vision?
A need and timing
Always timing
The right place
The precise time
The briefest moment
For God’s grace
The year 1987
The date 2 Oct
The where doesn’t matter
Nor the how
She’ll know
A poem
A wish
A broken promise
Tears shed
But why?
A swift end
And time to say goodbye
Eternity
Limitless
No apprehension
Love it circles
Round and round
Look for me
I’m there
Transcending the limits
Always
To catch a glimpse
The year 2020
The date 8 August
A hotel room
Outside of Boston
Not dingy
Not high end
Just right
Comfortable
A death
My death
The lights dim
A movie plays
Bogart
An oldie, my favorite
Unable to stop
Not wanting to
Please understand
It was the only way
No note
No farewell
Just me
Just a bottle
And those dam pills
That’s what did it
That’s what changed it all
Those pills
One, then two
Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine
Losing count
You get the gist
Move through
To greener pastures
I loved you
Just not myself
The aftermath
No warm embrace
No pat on the back
At least not for me
The message clear
I’ll be on repeat
The year 2024
The date 29 Nov
Well, I’m dying
And I really mean it
Struggling to accept the situation
A last ditch effort
Maybe
Maybe not
I seek advice, but I won’t take it
Never have, never will
Why do I ask?
Surrounding myself with what I don’t know
Insulation?
Was there ever a cure?
No, just a prolonging
Are we supposed to prolong?
Who decided that, I wonder
What would happen if we didn’t prolong?
What if we savored life more?
Right?
Wrong?
Love more
We are a society of prolonging
Prolonging the agony
Prolonging the hope
We prolong and keep prolonging
To what end I’m trying to figure
Regrets, not many
What do I expect?
What should we all expect?
Nothing I suppose
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
I’m dying and I know it
Wish me luck
I might need it
I’m dying
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