The year 2024
The date 1 Mar
I’m having a heart attack
I think
Not sure
I’m confused
Breathing suddenly off
Labored
Walking
Deep breath in
Deep breath out
Trying to normalize
The rhythm won’t stop
My thoughts wander
Scared
Walking
Where can I get to?
The pathway?
Will I make it?
I’m not sure
Keep it quick
A few steps
Ten?
Twenty?
Then gone
From a distance
Folks come running
Too late they suspect
Yet they try their best
Funny to watch
I’ve never seen myself like that
Strange how the end came
I don’t remember a thing
Just the gently falling snow
But was it snowing?
I just don’t know
I’ll be right back
That’s what I said
But I didn’t
The year 1996
The month is April
Living a lie
Dying to quickly
How will they know
If I don’t tell them the story
Life was short
I did what I could
Lent all of my wanderings
To those I didn’t know
As I die in this place
Where did I go?
How did I get here?
Why am I here?
Thought more
Felt more than I should
Am I here because I choose it?
Do I belong?
Rapid decline
Body slowly slipping
Slipping
Slipping
I’m drowning
Drowning
Is the end near?
I wish it
I want it
I want to go home
Mom might be waiting
But who really knows
Dying, dying, dying
I’m going, going, gone
I’m sorry
Wasn’t the sister you wanted
Was as much as I could be
Spent my whole life saying I'm sorry
One last time
I’m sorry
The year 2025
The date 23 Feb
Pieces of the puzzle
Need to come together
Partnering of thoughts
One young
One old
A common message between
Brilliance
Competence
Mirror of each other
Yin
Yang
A powerful duo
Do the right thing
A return to the basics
Innovative design
Technology based
A yearning
A puzzle
The solving of a problem
New approach
For both
Success
In mirrors
Success
Upon success
Keep moving forward
At lightning speed
Alas
A solution
Blend into one
Time honored profession
New start
The year 2025
The date 26 Jan
Dear Dad
But you’re not really my dad
But you are
I’m sad
I’m dying
I know this
She helps
Because I’ve asked
How much longer, it depends
I don’t know if you’re listening
But I’m hoping
I want to fix things
Just for me
I want to see you
Talk to you
If only for an hour
I have questions I want to ask
Maybe I’ll ask or maybe I won’t
But I just want to sit
Quiet or talking
I do love to talk
I’ll let you talk though
I just want to hear what you’ll say
I know they’ll be mad or hurt, I guess
But it’s me who’s dying
Don’t I get a request
Hey dad, I want to see you
If only for an hour
One hour please
Did you know that I’m dying?
The year 1883
November
Paris
Winter approaching
Alone amongst men
Painting, laughing, brooding
Children really
Blues and yellows
They billow around me
Watching
The techniques
The actions
Relegated to model
Why?
How?
When?
A need arises
A voice within speaks
Rise
Walk away
A space
Paint
More to the story
Your story
And so they began
The painting years
The year 1975
The date 28 March
The monster in the tree
It waits for me
Eyes watching
Always watching
Detached I live
All the abuse
Punishing
Punishment
No difference known
I wake
I sleep
The monster in the tree
Always seeing
Always waiting
Catching me off guard
Alone
Afraid
I’m here now
Will be gone tomorrow
Releasing
Retreating
Into the fog
Know me
Find me
Alone in the dark
Help me
Heal me
Handle it all
I release what’s missing
Taking up the sword
Slashing
Cutting
Now I’m totally gone
The year 1987
The day 28 Sept
Montana
A mountain ledge
Crystal blue skies
Losing my balance
A fall from grace
Eyes shut
Waiting for impact
My life
The climb
Worth the experience
Too late to struggle
Slowing down the momentum
Eyes open now
Arms stretched wide
I’m flying
Even just in my mind
The view
A blur of memories
All good
Intentional, no
An accident
Let them know
Tragic, yes
The end
My own terms
The year 2024
The date 29 Nov
Well, I’m dying
And I really mean it
Struggling to accept the situation
A last ditch effort
Maybe
Maybe not
I seek advice, but I won’t take it
Never have, never will
Why do I ask?
Surrounding myself with what I don’t know
Insulation?
Was there ever a cure?
No, just a prolonging
Are we supposed to prolong?
Who decided that, I wonder
What would happen if we didn’t prolong?
What if we savored life more?
Right?
Wrong?
Love more
We are a society of prolonging
Prolonging the agony
Prolonging the hope
We prolong and keep prolonging
To what end I’m trying to figure
Regrets, not many
What do I expect?
What should we all expect?
Nothing I suppose
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
I’m dying and I know it
Wish me luck
I might need it
I’m dying
The year 2023
The date 3 Oct
An undisclosed location
Falling away
Reaching for you
Always reaching
You’re not there
Where did you go?
How do I find you?
The cry of the hawk
It summons me home
Without you
Death in spades
The darkness falls
Dying a thousand deaths
Reaching the abyss
It’s there
I’ve reached it
No longer hanging on
No one to come for me
No one to love
It’s me
The abyss
The end
I fear not
I want for nothing
But to see your face
Upon my return
Your loving brother
At his end
The year 2025
The date 1 March
A timeless dance
The two of us forever
In unison together
The spotlight
The glare
What a memory
What a pair
Who's gone?
Me?
You?
I can’t tell
The ballroom
The stairs
The heat
The pressing of bodies
I long for that night
That night long ago
When all was a mirror
The times that once were
Come back
Or do I?
Our dance hasn’t finished
Who will I dance with?
Who will you?
Who’s gone?
Me?
You?
One without the other
I haven’t a clue
The year 2021
The date 14 Feb
A holding pattern
Climbing a mountain
A mess I’ve left
Not intentional
Ran out of time
Others will need to clean up
Not you
I took care
A key
A bank
Only for you
Travel
Desires
All that you’ve always wanted
My death
A surprise
Yet not so much for me
Prepared in some ways
Not in others
Life was good
Until it wasn’t
Love me always
As I’ve loved you
My death a blessing
Know it to be true
In those final moments
My mind was sharp
And my words true
Take them
Every corner of eternity echoes with your voice
I smile now, more than ever
My love
My deepest secrets
Safe with you
I can rest now
Seeing you
As I took my last breath
The year 2021
The date 6 Oct
I don’t remember where
A maze to navigate
No white light
Filled with colors
Blue, green, yellow, pink
Where do I start?
You would know
Is there an end?
So much noise
So much traffic
Yes, traffic
No one speaks
No one stops
No directions
I’ve asked
I’m stuck
Shouldn’t I know which way to go?
You would know
Tell me
Shout the answer
I’ll hear you, I promise
I’m waiting
Please tell me
Blue, green, yellow, pink
Confused
White light
I see it
I’ve got my bearings
I’m off
Maybe to find the wizard
Love Ya
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